I have been feeling terrible for almost two years now. I am not sure if other transplant recipients ever feel this bad! Please share your experiences.
I had my kidney transplant in 2014 as a 19 year old. It's going to be three years this month. Sigh. Sadly for me, this life saving surgery has almost become a curse. I never knew what real sadness, nervousness, anxiety, loneliness and depression meant. I almost wish to go back to my pre-transplant state some times. At least, my brain was strong then! Now, I am always worrying, thinking about the future almost every minute of the day. I was never like this before. There are times when I can hardly drag myself out of my bed to go to college. And then, I pull myself together and become sort of okay once again in a day or two until this cycle starts all over again. I can't even focus and study as nicely as before. My parents have been supportive but I can't change their nature or can I? This life seems worthless when you have to suffer every day. Why live if your quality of life has been reduced to an extent you can't come to terms with? BUT I DID LOVE THE FIRST FEW MONTHS AFTER MY TRANSPLANT! I REALLY DID! Now, it's terrible and I don't think it will ever change till the day I die.
Also, I don't want to consult a psychologist even though my nephrologist has asked me to once or twice. He has prescribed Metoprolol for my blood pressure and anxiety. And I don't want to take any more medication than I already do. I want to know if any one else has been through this.